Adhesive
Originally published August 2008
Eyes Spy
I have a confession to make. I am a spy. I have been for the last 18 months actively involved in industrial and political espionage. I was recruited by an independent espionage agency which runs it’s operations under the guise of the Big Blue, and a few other organizations. I was recruited at the age of twelve, and asked to acquire a proficiency in imitating the accents of many different ethnic and geographic groups. I was also asked to acquire foreign and domestic language skills. Hence the French and German. Hence the insistence on learning bits and pieces of Arabic. I was also asked to study the methods and means used by Frank Miller’s Batman character, also popular as the Dark Knight. In many sessions on the Freudian couch, I was also asked to deal with my emotions, as the “masked vigilante” would. I was among the many who have been told very clearly that a normal domestic life is not an option. I have worked this into my life, and go around telling people that I am unlikely to get married, because of my “personality”. Hence the profession of polygamy, open relationships, and short lived romantic escapes. When people continued to get married and realize that their spouses were also in the espionage business “conflict of interest” became a big issue in early 2005; second after mid-retirement consultancies as a common cause of both attrition and mortality. The higher ups decided to bootstrap mainstream media; result “Alias” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”
I was assigned the Big Blue cover when I was 15 and told to acquire a basic knowledge in geology, to aid my cause. However this was later considered a needless diversion, and I was asked to focus on gathering as much technological know-how as I could, in my pursuit of the ultimate gadget feast of a job. Hence the 3 cameras, a million recording and transmitting devices, the advanced computer that looks and works as slick as you like. I was asked to apply very selectively to other companies, in the University placements process; other than the Big Blue. There were some underhanded means used to get me selected, and I was eventually frisked away in a hurry. When I asked for a break, it was very unassumingly pointed out that the choice had been made.
How has this affected my life? I was initially trained in classy travel, slick friends and parties, and tourism based operations in Egypt. The military presence there, combined with the relative peace — and the equanimity with both Western, Middle Eastern and Eastern interests provided a good setting for an education in what we in the industry call “detached” operations. Since I went “live”, a couple of years ago, I have been to 6 countries, in various capacities. I have over the years cultivated the insomnia that is needed to live multiple lives, in one. I have an advanced knowledge of operating systems, mechanical structures, Taekwondo, differentiation, football. I can cook, sleep on hard floors, tolerate freezing cold and sweltering heat, survive without water for prolonged periods, keep my wits about me under the effect of alcohol, run 5 km straight on any given day, under any conditions. My trips home are usually short, and I am expected to spend a significant amount of time debriefing my liaison in HQ.
What spying have I done, you say? I have made 2 trips to China, 2 to the United States. In both cases after the initial field work; I was given longer and sharper assignments — the details of which I will not go into. But at least you can see a clearer case. Suffice to say, my employer is both professional and does not have any allegiances when it comes to the financial and political implications of our work. And this has been very much the case of it’s front organizations, including the Big Blue. I have to also admit, that I have never killed a man or fooled a security guard. Espionage in the real world is very different, and again, I will not go into the details.
Why am I coming out with this on my very public blog? Because I have decided to turn in my papers. I have decided to quit. And this is going to mean a major lifestyle change. I can sleep more. I intend to get married to a very pretty Chinese girl that I met during one of my missions in Beijing. I expect that the money I have amassed in my offshore accounts is going to be sufficient to support a simple farmer’s existence in South East Asia.
OK. I am joking, for anybody who actually fell for it. I thought this was very funny, though. In keeping with a nightmare I had last night. Am waiting for the next Bond film. And hoping that it can go back to some of that make-believe magic; without loosing that very human touch of the last iteration. I am not a spy. But I damn well could be.
Work
I usually don’t talk too much about my job on this blog. I am quite meticulous in putting my life into compartments and not letting things spill over. This is actually quite ironic, since I insist that work should never be so repulsive that you wait for the end of the day or week to have fun. I work “7x24x365” as some people put it and am proud of it. More importantly it means that I also expect that I have fun and do all the things I want to, within that framework. And to a large extent all of that works out. So I am going to, for no particular reason try to break a little ice and make work, accessible to the rest of my life.
I am currently in the middle of a very interesting set of operations. I am working on an independent satellite platform, that houses a few wells, that produce gas. My part in the operations, to put it simply; is to acquire data of what is down there and in the process help the company that owns and operates these assets to make decisions. The platform is remote, in the middle of the sea, and is manned 24 hours. This is quite different from the operations that I am used to; a rig, with a large crew, continuous daisy chained operations; and accommodations right at the workplace, and a friendly galley crew. This time around though; we are put up on a nearby production platform, with an accommodation block that houses about 100 people, much like a rig would. Every day, in the evening around six, I and three other members of my crew set out to the well-head platform. We get onto a “Billy Pugh”, and are lowered down, by a crane, onto a boat about 100 ft below the deck. No amusement park can ever offer this amount of excitement. As I often tell people, two years after the first time I got into a helicopter; I still look forward to every trip on a chopper with sparkling boyish enthusiasm. I expect the boat rides to be just as exciting. On the boat, we motor along for forty minutes, about 6 miles out, to the platform; where we are raised with the same “Billy Pugh” up onto the helideck of the platform. Once on the platform we have a toolbox talk, and are handed over the operations from the day crew; who by this time have had just about enough.
Thus begins my 12 hour shift, which with the travel on either side extends to about 14–15. What I do during that time, I shall not go into yet. Suffice to say, there’s a little less pressure than my usual routine. I have a good time; despite having no connectivity at all; no phone line, no internet connection.
Websling
I finally got around to getting a photo-blog going. Will try to post pictures regularly. You can check out a new and improved photography section now. Am also in the process of putting up some more things about work and this website, to add some coherence to the work section.